Reflect. Redefine. Relax. Receive.

Well- once again it has been a little while…. However, the past couple months have been partly spent reflecting on our family’s life journey over the past year. October marked the year anniversary of our ‘adventure’ in finding a job for Presten that he was passionate about. As I reflect back on those five months, amidst all the financial stressors was this yearning for finding true meaning in my life and for our family. I reflected daily and made an intentional effort to ensure that every decision that I made was out of love. In return, my trust in God and faith was renewed and gave me hope for the future.

It is amazing how fast that can be reversed. I don’t think that I am all that different from most people. When do people tend to turn to their faith- in times of struggle, heartache, pain… And it is during that time that you say ‘I will never take anything for granted again’ or ‘I recognize now what is most important in my life’. The layers are peeled back and it is that true vulnerability that stares you in the face and in some cases you don’t like what you see…. You set new goals, seek purpose- you redefine your life….

However, eventually…. Your life starts to get back on the track and you start moving and then you start going a little faster and little faster until you reach the destination that you promised yourself you would never go to again. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!!!

Well, in our case, we held onto this purpose for quite awhile or until our lives started to spin out of control and holding on to our ‘life purpose’ slowly started to slip down on the priority list. We were no longer making intentional decisions or thankful for life’s gifts. Our hearts started to become toxic. What did this look like? Well in our house, a whole lot of crabbiness, anxiety, rudeness and frustration. This morning in church Pastor Jeremiah focused on the ‘heart’ and I think it really relates to this. He said look at your life like a river, there times that you find there is a lot of toxins in the river and you start to try and fish them out, but what happens? More and more toxic fish show up. Why? Because you have to change the source of the toxins and the source is your heart. If you work to change your heart there are going to be less toxic fish in the water. Are you guilty of this? I am. There are times when things are not going well and I say well maybe I need to remove this… or change that… but that just ends up becoming one big cycle. It is not all about removing pieces of your life it is about changing what is in your heart.

About one month ago, Presten and I decided it was time to sit down to talk through all our toxins. Life moves so fast and sometimes it is just simply easier to keep fishing than to deal with the source. This one conversation has changed our marriage. We redefined our commitment and things in our lives that we place value on. Thinking about it now, I think that it can be summed up in how we treat each daily interaction with each other along with our own personal health inside and out. Sometimes it takes just one conversation to be steered back on course. Relationships are hard- not just marriage relationships. They take a lot of work, but they also necessary because they fill us up. They can give us the energy needed to perform our spiritual gifts. God intended for us to have human interaction- that is why he created Eve- but he didn’t say it would be easy.

So now that we have had some time to reflect and redefine – we have also realized the need to relax. The times that we start to drift are the times that book our schedules solid. So now that have made relationships with our friends and families intentional we need to find the balance maintaining these relationships, but really taking the time to not just ‘be a spectator of our own lives.’ We allow life to just pass us by. We need to be actively present in every moment. Lastly we need to openly receive every gift. Jaxson and Vada give us ‘gifts’ every day, but we are not always open to them. When I am rushed or crunched for time I am less likely to recognize that my whole life is filled with gifts and blessings. I rarely take the time to ‘see’ them. I challenge you to be open to seeing all the gifts that surround you- everyday.

Today- I feel rejuvenated! My parents took the kids for OVER 24 hours! I call that BRAVE! Presten and I went to a movie, out for dinner, came home and watched another movie, but most importantly spent some much needed quality time together. The kids have kept us insanely busy over the past couple months. Jaxson started basketball and he loves it! They actually have them playing little scrimmage games. He has been making baskets, passing, dribbling and learning game rules. He is loving learning a new sport. Little miss Vada started swimming for the first time this Fall. This however, is not going quite as hot. It is very hit or miss if she will get in the water! Sometimes there are tears, maybe a little pouting and other days she is all for it and gets right in the water! I guess this is really no different than any other part of her life- you just don’t know what you are going to get!

Vada and Jaxson are both going to St. David’s Center for preschool this year. They are both doing amazing and are very well adjusted. When I drop Vada off she says “bye mom, love you!” WOW-was that unexpected! It is exciting that they can be at a place where they are so comfortable! And that I am just steps away!! Vada has come down to my office several times now during the day to give me a quick hug and kiss and then back up to class! Her teacher calls her ‘jellybean’ which we have now adopted in our family for her. I think that it is very suiting!

Well time to unpack from the weekend and prepare for the week! Peace! The Bean’s

Our little munchkins!!