Love and Fear

Jaxson and Vada outside Trustone Financial in Minneapolis on our way to the Lynlake Festival this afternoon! We are ready for SuMmEr!!!!

So when I said “we’re back!” -well I lied…. Apparently, I was bit over confident in my ability to actually follow through. After another long hiatus, I am going to try and renew my commitment to blogging. This time however, I am making no real promises that this is going to actually happen every week.

The start of 2010 has made us face so many different emotions and possibilities. A common question I get asked is, “so what have you guys been up too?” For some reason every time I get asked this question I have to really STOP and THINK. I have a feeling that I am not alone when saying this. “I don’t know…. WHAT have I been doing?” The last five months have been such a rollercoaster ride that I seem to be constantly looking forward and not holding sacred the things of the past. When this happens everything seems to get lumped into one big blur. Part of the reason that I love the concept of blogging so much is that it forces me to sit down and really remember the things that bring happiness to my life. During my “blog vacation” not only did I not journal, I also really didn’t take any pictures. I think in the moment I didn’t want to remember, I didn’t want this to be apart of our history….and now looking back, I am really glad it was. Our lives have been completely strengthened from this experience.

In church this morning we talked about FEAR. I have to say I think that I faced what I consider one of my greatest fears, having only one of us working for an extended period of time. At some point during this process I had to choose faith over fear. I had to say okay “I’m in”. Matthew 11:28-30 says, 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When I finally surrendered my fears and anxieties of life, the load I was carrying was a whole lot lighter. I started to plant a lot more seeds of love. I look now at the time that Presten was home as a time for rest for our family. By "trying" the best that I knew how to surrender my fears, our lives were rejuvenated.

Presten started his new job in March and for those of you that have seen him know that he has been recharged! He has energy that is contagious and a newfound glow. He is so happy that it makes me smile just thinking about it. I think that is what I love about him so much he has this natural way of projecting love onto others. He lives in the present moment. He is making me a better mom, wife and person and I am so lucky to have him!

Jaxson and Vada have completely adapted to our new schedules and have taken the transition of daddy going back to work as nothing new. I partly relate this to our commitment to normalcy for them, nonetheless they have totally adjusted.

It has taken about two months for Presten and me to transition into a schedule routine. I feel like there were so many things that I had intended to do when he was home, but didn’t. I am now slowly starting to add those things back into my life. One of them being- friends. This experience has shown me how important my friends really are to me and I want to be more intentional about my relationships that I have with them. I tend sometimes to get caught up in the anxieties and logistics of planning and what is happening next that I lose sight of being present and completely calm in the moment. Since Presten has started his job we spent a night in Remer, MN with my girlfriend Kimmy and her family. The kids and I drove over to Eau Claire, WI to visit my girlfriends Brook and Amy. Presten and I spent a night in Minneapolis with our friends Chris and Kristin singing and dancing the night away while the kids were at grandma and grandpa’s, When we do these things our cups are filled with happiness. I want things in my life to be deliberate.

Over the past eight months, Vada has turned into our little pink princess. She LOVES PINK! Not that I had anything to do with that :) . She presents herself with many challenges, but when she is happy she radiates light. She loves her brother and tries to take care of him when he is sad. Someone asked me this week, “How did you get them to love each other so much?” I didn’t have an answer for her at the time, but it has made me think about how much value we place on grace and kindness in our home.

Jaxson is at an age where he is just simply LOVING LIFE. He has had an great year at preschool and made a very good friend, Beckett. He is currently in swimming lessons and just amazes me with his commitment to succeeding. Most importantly, he is looking forward to turning FIVE!!

Well, I think that summer has arrived and in full force. I hope everyone has a chance to get in their daily dose of vitamin D this week! I also hope that you find new ways of spreading love throughout your life.

Have a great week!! The Bean's